tired.

 

HeyLo,

I feel drained. My creative senses are still running at a pretty good speed, but my mind just doesn’t seem to settle with a thought. There is a chaotic train of unnecessary images disrupting my present priorities.

I’ve to exert so much pressure on myself to even do the simplest of tasks. The vivacity of words that had once been mine is nowhere to be found in my messy head space. I have lost control over the way I weave perceptions into letters and images.

s i g h.

My fingers have forgotten what it feels like to create something that tickles my soul pink. I am rejecting myself more than the entire universe. My mind keeps racing over to the red flags I’ve shown myself.

Even as I type this, my fingers hesitate with each key that I tap.

Am I even doing “life” right?

It isn’t as music videos show it – Life. Sometimes, even the longest of drives and hardest of rains cannot echo what’s shattering inside you.

What sucks more is that I have to gasp in all these negative emotions throughout the day and keep a placid face, because faking a smile is so much more easier than explaining what I am going through. Also, face it – No one really cares.

Everything that feels so right when the sun smiles upon it just seems so daunting at night when the shadows go into hiding.

I don’t really know how to explain this emotion that I am going through. I don’t even know if there is an adjective out there to describe what I am feeling.

I am just barely existing these days. Everything seems mechanical and plain. I’ve gotten so much more skeptical than I was before. My brain blows up petty actions of people into big unrealistic motives sought to hinder my life.

I have friends to talk to. I have a home to go to. I have all the oxygen I need to live. Yet, when I think about it, none of this is really mine.

O v e r t h i n k i n g.

Even though I am mentally aware of this exasperating emotion, I am not able to get rid of it. With every perfect day, follows an afflicting night.

I  a m  t i r e d.

 

Darling Girl.

Soul too tight closed,
With no arms to rest on.
Eyes filled with denouement,
But Darling Girl, let it seep.

The pain is real,
Abrading your life.
Your thoughts will be hacked,
But Darling Girl, you still are pure.

You bellow out your sting,
Still unheard.
You drown in the voices of solace,
But Darling Girl, you take another step forward.

—

Then unforeseen,
You sunk with the sunrise.
Your vivacity meeting mortality,
But Darling Girl, you are still awake.

You drew a story of battle,
With your life as the army.
Your heart must have ached, your mind must have desolated,
But Darling Girl, your sufferings have ended.

You have left the trace of your existence,
Now headed towards paradise.
Your strings might be broken,
But Darling Girl, your echo will always resonate.

—

Dedicated to a friend who left us with only her memories. I pray for you, my friend. R.I.P . 

Take Care

From the not so-

Purrfectgirl

Dark Winter

Shimmering tree, now just a piece of dust,
Fairy lights glow darkness.
Pills replace the treats,
The star not so high.

Presents, there are none,
Laughter, lost in the snow.
Melted snowman with melted dreams,
Waits to be built again.

A gift that slipped from the hands,
Waits to be forgotten.
But the pieces too sharp,
Stabbed into the heart.

Turning the clock around,
With agitated hands.
Hoping things would turn itself,
Darkness would drain by.

Fireplace with charred photos,
Fills the air with demise.
Tears that rolled down the cheek,
Told a story of promises.

This winter it is black,
With no one to paint the life.
This winter is unlit,
With no one to entwine

————–

Take care

From the not so-

Purrfectgirl