The number of times I’ve wanted to make friends in a social setting, but ruined the scenario by making it awkward for everyone under the fan, is more than the times I’ve ranted in here.
Before I move ahead with briefing my life as a shy extrovert, I would like to clear out the common misconception about the overlapping ideas on extroverts, introverts, confidence, and shyness. Being an extrovert or introvert is a personality trait that signifies whether you get your energy from being around people or by being alone. Whereas, being a confident or shy person has more to do with how you approach people and socialize.
Being a shy extrovert, I’ve found myself in situations wanting to say something or enter a conversation but deciding against it just because I’ve felt too shy. Small talk is a concept that is completely out of the window for me. I can hardly pull out a word or two before making the person standing in front of me uncomfortable.
A lot of people who know me will be surprised to read about this side of mine because I’m generally seen as a confident and “Here-Hold-My-Cup” kind of a person. But I guess I’ve just been really good at faking my confidence all these years. The biggest trouble of living a paradoxical life is that being an extrovert I gain energy from being around people, but the shy part of me graciously runs away from them. So I often find myself having really bad days, staying in my room, and sulking about not having enough people in my life to vibe with.
If you’re still confused about differentiating a shy extrovert and an introvert here is an example – an introvert is the one who doesn’t even want to attend the party whereas the shy extrovert has probably been waiting for this party since her birth, and can’t wait to meet new people, but when it actually comes to interaction you might find <pronoun> stuttering for words.
(Also, let’s not even talk about the anxiety attacks I get when the spotlight falls on me.)
At this point, I should probably mention that it isn’t all dark sky and faded roses for us. Once we get past our barrier (just give us time, and we’ll be fine.), we put ourselves and our ideas out there for the world to grab on to.
So the next time you find yourself standing in front of a shy extrovert, skip the small talk and provoke their deepest interests. Trust me, we aren’t all that dangerous, all we need is your friendship and a shot at the bar to open up.
Although I am fully aware of the fact that “new year” is a man-made concept and Jan 1, 2018 will just be another regular day of my life, I didn’t want it to stop me from exploiting the thoughts my heart and mind have carried over the last 12 months.
This year has definitely been one of the toughest challenges I’ve faced. Every month came with a strain. To be really honest, I am quite impressed with myself to have crossed all the tear puddles and made it this far. 2018 will probably be the same, but 2017 has made me strong enough to face it.
The central point of all my best and worst moments this year consisted of people. Which is also the exclusive reason I’m writing this piece in the first place.
I’ve come to the realization that the people around us are just as much as human as we are. Yet, we often at times find ourselves placing everybody on a pedestal and ranking them. I’ve done it. You’ve done it. When the treatment is reversed, we turn our smile upside down and slash them for judging us. Double standards.
I’ve lost a lot of people this year and gained fewer. There are friends with whom I still wish things didn’t end, there are friends with whom I want nothing to do with anymore and there are friends whom I still talk to, merely because I’m afraid of losing them too. The friends who I have gained this year have only seen me two level deep. 2018 will let me know if they are here to stay or vanish.
Family was another concept I had to swim my way through. The rough days made me value the quiet dinners and sound sleep. I understood that human feelings of love and hate cannot be inter-linked with their role in society or at home and that’s okay. You are an individual filled with emotions of desire and ideas, which has nothing to do with what the world expects from you. If you need to take care of yourself from breaking down, even if it means going against people who make your daily life, you should do it. Your life begins and ends with you.
The wires in my brain have switched places, again. I’ve built the habit of isolating myself to create art. Which is both a blessing and a curse, cause the more energy I put into my art, the more I drain from my system. The following year, I’ll be making conscious efforts to let my system recharge itself, and connect with thousands of hearts like mine.
I came across this saying, “We are just a collage of the best parts of the people we like.”, and I couldn’t agree more. Words aren’t enough to fill you all with the gratitude I have. Even though I am generally not found in the company of many, humans are the rich source of my inspiration. The ones I talk to, the ones I view through the celluloid, the ones behind an art, the ones behind my setbacks, the ones behind my flight, the ones who fill my hours with their thoughts, the ones who make my day without even realizing it, and the one who is reading this. Thank you. You all have played an amazing part in making me who I am today. To not acknowledge it and feel pompous about my character is stupidity. I am happy living amidst people like you. We are all made of the same flesh and bones after all.
2018 should be the year of helping people grow with you. 2018 should be the year of making yourself happy. 2018 should be the year of understanding that giving respect to another person’s lifestyle and boundary is free of cost.
purrfectgirl 
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